Fuck the disappearing thoughts taking nothing but happiness. The lengthy winter awaits and very little progress equals shame. But when the winds blow cold and the heater begins calling out for you, you can only wish to disappear. I dreamt you were alone vulnerable in a shower. But i wasn't the predator, a wolf in sheeps clothing was drawing me in and keeping my faith in a clever coin purse filled with others like me. I know this, but not in this dream. you were portrayed as innocent on the outside. Like i was the only one, one we know i can never be. The water ran red until i touched you, you drew me into something opposite of your upside down reflection. I clamored in haste and comfort of the beauty i held, if only for brief minutes. I woke, day changed as this person was brought from some deep place in my memory. Every line on her face and body was defined so well, but sitting now i cannot remember her exactly. Is it in me now to accommodate such dreams, to where they fade into a reality and lose their value, or maybe i'm intended to stay clean. Out of wrecked houses, clean but lacking. Forever stooping under true beauty and peace. Where things align, nothing is left to imagination. Only to get accustomed and have it ripped apart i suppose.
Before the season ends i only wonder who will come out of the wood work to haunt me, to change me or how i see things. My mind monopolizes these regrets, these feelings of dark passing. The darkness and light i dream of. The touch, the criticism. She's long drifted away, i'm glad.
you know the way a woman looks at you when she has no reason not to trust you, the way her eyes reflect innocence. her pupils are big, fixated on every brief word you have to say. you notice the slightest tan line where a band used to sit on a ring finger but you don't say a word. theres bright, cool night air like something significant is going to happen, but it never does. we only flicker until were forced into the uncertain distance. I can remember staying with my grandmother when i was very young. She had a closet filled with canned goods and once i asked why. She answered and my perception of the world changed.
She's broken just like i am. She muses and pursues, leading the conversation. I've got not the time to face my fears at my leisure any longer, but instead i'm forced into running through haunted houses. She'll never understand, so why tell her, why ruin a good thing, a sweet view. There is no refusing, there is no common ground, only time, time to run and to stop looking back.
Im sure i know how to swim when the current reaches it's peak. I know when to drown and roll over, give the fight to someone who cares, gather everything that carries my stature and leave nothing to be discovered or remembered. But the lines left to fate flaten and i remember this breaking sound from inside. I'm sure, i know ill get ahead but im still uncaught and far from complication.